


I Can't Believe I Lava You

by Ameme (JingJohk)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers, Spoilers, Tales from the Shadows (Final Fantasy XIV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JingJohk/pseuds/Ameme
Summary: Of volcanoes and grapes.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	I Can't Believe I Lava You

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to read the short Ere Our Curtain Falls from Tales of the Shadows before reading this!

“AZEM!”

Hythlodaeus and I winced in tandem. Caught in the act! My mind raced to think of an excuse but came up with nothing.

“Ah, he must be feeling frisky today,” Hythlodaeus remarked as the one, the only, the very irritable and usually slow to rouse Hades arrived within conversational distance.

“Frisky? I'll thank you not to describe my ire with such frivolous language,” Hades said. “Azem.”

“Emet-Selch,” I said, and pulled a face at him.

He was not amused. “Grapes. Really.”

I nodded. “They're good.” Hythlodaeus made a small noise of agreement.

“From a region known for producing intoxicating spirits that induce others to do all manner of embarrassing things.”

“Yep.”

“And you had the gall to tell the emissary the _grapes_ are exceptional.”

“Yep.”

Hades looked from me to Hythlodaeus and back again, then pulled his mask off to massage his forehead. “Don't tell me you've been _drinking_ the stuff. You're supposed to be _sober_ and in _complete control_ when carrying out your Convocation duties.”

The grin I had been suppressing broke out in full across my face. “Oh, I'm sober all right,” I said as he side-eyed me with fully justified suspicion. “Just a sip here or there to learn how to identify various vintages. That's how I know about the grapes!”

Hades sighed heavily and replaced his mask. “Tell me the truth,” he commanded. “ _Now_ , or I'll refuse to help you and the entire thing will explode in your face and you'll have to spend another month dealing with the paperwork.”

This was a truly dire threat and also incredibly unfair because I had barely escaped the last mountain of claims that resulted from something entirely not my fault with my life. “It's the grapes, I swear!” I protested. “Aside from it being the lifeblood of the isle's economy, the entire region uses the wines in much of its cuisine. By the time the Convocation gets around to making a decision, it will all be lost!” Would he be moved by the knowledge of the cloying stench of despair and resignation that plagued the people of the island? It was always rather difficult to tell with Hades, given how much he disliked people in general. More often than not, he deemed such things irrelevant.

“Perhaps as gratitude for saving their livelihood, we'll be gifted some of the aforementioned cuisine,” Hythlodaeus suggested slyly. “I've heard so much about their red wine sauce, though no matter how much I have begged, Azem still hasn't brought me any samples...”

“ _You_ are a bottomless pit,” said Hades disgustedly.

“Hey!” I said.

“You, too,” he growled. “Shall I count the ways this will backfire? You, Hythlodaeus, blithely giving a masterwork to someone with a long and storied track record of completely warping anything that requires more skill to Create than weapons—”

Well, now I just felt silly. “I'm not _that_ bad,” I protested, voice weak. The concept matrix on the counter between Hythlodaeus and me pulsed innocently.

“All I can say is that you are very lucky Elidibus requested my assistance on your behalf before you went gallivanting off to Creation knows where and summoned a perversion of Lahabrea's work,” Hades said with a sniff, though the tiny smirk hiding in one corner of his mouth belied his snooty tone.

Hythlodaeus propped his chin on his fists and smiled the way he did when one of his offhanded predictions came true, which in this case was Hades storming in to save us from our predictable follies. “Lucky, or perhaps willing to gamble on the possibility that you would come to our dear grape-loving friend's aid?” he asked.

The smirk fled, to be replaced with irritation. “ _Lucky_ ,” Hades bit out. “Next time I'll just leave you both to it! Not that you'll ever learn your lesson.” He tapped the concept matrix. “I don't even want to imagine this going wrong,” he said. “Some unholy union of fire and wind, I suppose, when the fleeting wish for a cool breeze crosses your mind.”

I had to admit, he was probably right. “Good thing you'll be there, then, to prevent such a dreadful monstrosity from appearing in this world,” I said. “Shall we?”

“Just this once,” Hades said, as he always did. Hythlodaeus very smugly waved us off.

_-half a day later-_

Wind howled. Fire crackled. Hades and I gazed up at Ifrita, now stuffed to the brim with roiling aether. Oh how glorious she was! And also how, uh, fiery. The bushes for miles around would never be the same. As deserted as the area was, I had a feeling it probably wasn't deserted enough to completely mitigate collateral damage. “You know, I think we underestimated how much aether was in that volcano,” I said.

“I don't know why I bothered getting up this morning,” Hades grumbled. “Will you heal, or shall I?”

I held out my hand and summoned my axe. “You heal. I'll do what I said I would do.”

“As usual.”

I grinned. “Yep. Pulling in five, four, three...”


End file.
